just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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