We need to rekindle our bromance
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
