i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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