is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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