my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
