I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
