Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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