one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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