you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
