my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
