I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize