her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
