haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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