As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
