you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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