Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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