I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
