is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
