so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
