I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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