Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
