I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
