It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
