And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
