You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
