i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
