I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
