put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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