she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
