Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The air was thick with penises
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
