: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's like God shit irony all over that family
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
