how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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