were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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