it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize