We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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