Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
