dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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