I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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