Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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