I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
