if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
