idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
