I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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