i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
