just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
