Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
