he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
