So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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