Just fell off a train. Bad.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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