He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
