Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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