I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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