i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
