onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
