I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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