My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
