I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
