Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
