I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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