My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
