I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
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We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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