Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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