It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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