i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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